cluelesstraveller


Leave a comment

Thoughts of a Full Time Mom

I’m a full time mom, and there are times when it can just get really crazy.  I have two sons with ages 6 and 2, and sometimes my two hands aren’t just enough to handle their demands.  But it’s not always like that though, there are more sweet and really fun moments with them especially when they are both in a good mood.  I am actually happy being just a mom to them at this time because I get to be really hands on with them and I am not missing any milestone in their growing up years, but why then do I find myself being defensive or needing to be one at certain occasions?  Maybe it is because of the fact that there are still people who doesn’t recognize the challenges of being a stay at home mom, and at the same time doesn’t really know the value of one.

Being with your kids 24/7 and doing literally everything on your own with no pay, no break, and no day off can take its toll, but still we go on, and keep doing what we do without really complaining because of our love for our kids, and that is simply it.  We may be always at home, but we don’t really hold our time because we work around the schedules of our husbands and kids, and perhaps the time left for ourselves is very few like this time that I am making this blog.  I only have probably less than two hours before my 2 year old son wakes up from his nap.

And by the way, it is not just the kids we take care of but all the other stuff that involves the home and the family which includes making the budget, paying the bills, planning your kids’ birthday parties and family vacations, and the list can just go on.  I can’t really complain though because I love what I do, but sometimes a little appreciation won’t hurt, or maybe even just some consideration would suffice.

Why then am I writing this piece?  Maybe it is because sometimes I feel that some people just have certain expectations and I just think that it’s not fair.  We all have our own roles to play in this lifetime so I guess, respecting one another’s game is just what should happen.  This is my role for now and I simply want to keep enjoying it while I can.  After all, they grow up so fast.

Most of us may make it look easy, but really, it is not.  Work never seems to be really done, so then in the process we also learn to choose which battles to fight.  But no matter how tough each moment can be, at the end of the day, I only have to look at my kids to remind myself that things will always be okay, and that every experience with them are all worth the while.

Advertisements


Leave a comment

Finding Hope

Everything is temporal and it could mean positively or negatively.  I have had bouts of dark clouds over me for the past few months, and there were just some lowest moments when it seemed like that period would never see its end.  Apart from not knowing when it will be over, my biggest question was that why things were happening that way?  Because before that dark time, everything was sunshine and if only there was such a thing as perfect, I could almost say it was.

Maybe that was life’s way of waking me to reality, or perhaps its way of reminding me or nudging me that I am starting again to live my life in a bubble, and perhaps to push me out of my comfort zone which I was beginning to build.  I really still cannot exactly figure out the why, but I know that everything happens for a reason, and for this I just need to keep having faith or at least hold on to it until that day when I will fully realize what this whole ordeal truly means.

Sometimes there are circumstances in life that you can’t easily recognize the meaning of.  It leaves you with so many questions that you cannot seem to find answers to, and the questions just pile up and would just leave you feeling confused, and at times lost and simply wondering.

Then when everything is in chaos and seem spiraling down, one day you just wake up to a brand new day, and the hazy atmosphere just seem to have been lifted up and everything looks clear and seem to have a promise of better days ahead.  And you just find yourself shaking your head in disbelief, perhaps even asking, what the heck happened there?

Though answers remain bleak, and confusion still looms, I am comforted by the thought that there is always a rainbow waiting, paving the way for a hope of a new tomorrow.  Then I am comforted by the fact that nothing lasts forever, if it can always mean that bad things also doesn’t stay.


Leave a comment

One Foggy Winter Day

via Daily Prompt: Foggy

It was my first winter, and everything about it was so new to me.  Each time I went out, I always looked forward to whatever experience it gave me–the falling of snow and the biting cold, everything just seemed magical, and it was most especially so when one foggy morning, I was greeted by that heavy white mist.  It was simply enchanting, like there was something mysterious, and yet familiar behind it.

I marveled at its quiet beauty before I finally walked towards it so I can be one with its tranquility, and indeed it made me smile because I knew that that moment is simply mine to have.

 


Leave a comment

Of Lost Thoughts and Quiet Observations

Words have been silent for a while, and thoughts have escaped along the way.  Now here I am, trying to catch up…

The rush of everyday things and a laptop that needed to be repaired has kept me from writing for so many months.  Now that I have the chance again to write, can I still find those thoughts that I meant to share months before?

It’s been 9 months since I have moved to Canada with my family.  We arrived in fall, and now it is summer.  We have made it through the four seasons so far, especially the very biting cold of winter.  Coming from a tropical country which is the Philippines, having four different seasons is all very new to us because back there, we only had the rainy season and the summer, but we embraced each season as they came, just like how we welcomed this brand new experience in our lives.

Moving to North America is a big move, and it certainly was a challenge both physically and emotionally.  There are four of us in the family (me, my husband, my then 5 year old son and our youngest who was 11 months at that time).  We agreed to only bring four boxes.  For me, it meant condensing 36 years of my life in one big box, and it was certainly not easy because it also meant giving up many stuff that had been part of my life.  But then I knew I needed to let them go as part of the process, and also as part of moving forward. It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t also very difficult because I knew I also had to help my 5 year old son to do the same with his stuff.  I knew it was more difficult for him to part with his belongings because aside from it being his first experience with parting, it was definitely not easy to understand why he had to let his things go, and why we needed to dispose most of our stuff. And I can imagine the pureness of his sadness as he chose the few things that he can only take, and the questions that might be running through his mind while he saw our things being sold or given away.

But letting go of the material things was only half of what I needed to deal with, the next thing was the most difficult part, and this was facing the reality of being separated from other family members and some very good friends.  Though it was difficult for me, I needed to be strong or at least look like it because I knew my son was feeling the same way as he had built good relationships with the people around us.  He had so many good memories with them, and saying goodbye to all his loved ones most especially his dear cousins was something that was even more difficult to comprehend.  His longing for them was heartbreaking for me.

As for me, even though I was so excited to spread my wings and seek new adventures in a different land, I never thought that I would also get a bite of homesickness. This was something that I never anticipated to linger even after weeks and months of being in my new home.  Perhaps it was for the reason that I have never really been so far away from home that made leaving less easy.  And I realized that maybe there is really nothing that could have prepared me or anyone from feeling that way.  Parting, after all is always difficult.

Time has quickly passed, and so many wonderful things have happened.  I am thankful that our new home has welcomed us warmly, and also grateful to technology because at least we still get to communicate with our family from back home, giving my 1 year old son the chance to know them as well.  The tremendous support from our families and friends from the different parts of the world has definitely helped us with our transition.

Now in this new chapter of my life, I am certainly looking forward to new adventures and experiences with my family.  And while there is still longing at times, I know those are just fond memories that I would never let go of, and which would always remind me that I will forever have a home no matter where I go, and a place that I can always go back to.


Leave a comment

Kairos

A new page waits to be filled with a new set of adventures as I am soon moving to another country.  This is going to be my first time to have a big move, and although I am very much looking forward to it and actually filled with so much excitement to be in a different environment, there is definitely a part of me that also contains longing.

I am still in my home country which is why the sad fragment of parting is masked, but as the day of the departure comes close day by day, I cannot help but somehow feel a tinge of nostalgia.  I have never been so far away from home, (in whichever way any one may define “home”).  But on the other hand, it has really been a very long time since I had a personal adventure, or at least has traveled far which is why I believe that this time is the perfect time for it.

I have always believed in waiting for the right time, and so with open hands, I welcome this upcoming leap.  I know this chance will not be given if it is the not ripe moment, and so once again, I would like to believe and simply have faith that I will be able to handle all the new challenges in the new country that I will soon be calling home.

There is so much to learn.  New rules to follow, different kinds of people to meet and interact with, new culture to embrace and even different seasons to be familiar with.  It will surely be all exciting.

With the fresh changes, I also wish to become a much better person, and I sincerely pray that I can cope with all the new ordeals while meeting the personal expectations that I have set.

A fresh start waiting anew, I am ready for another beginning…


Leave a comment

A Time of Unity, Faith and Love

Our country, the Philippines is so blessed to have been given 5 days of the pope’s very precious time.  I was not able to personally go out to see him, but I made sure that I kept a close watch of his activities and public appearances on TV.  Even just by seeing the events on screen, and simply watching all the things that was going on out there was truly a very heartwarming sight.

The multitude of people who were all so looking forward to even just catch a glimpse of the pope even in the midst of an uncooperative weather and drenched in rain, they were all simply there—patiently waiting for the holy one’s arrival.  Over 6 million people came, all with the hope to see God’s messenger.  They didn’t mind whether they would only see him from afar, or if they would ever really see him at all.  They also didn’t mind how fast it would all be if ever the pope passed their way.  It was all an experience that was about faith, and of course love.

All the pope’s messages were so inspiring and meaningful, and each piece of his thought was simply moving as every word came from his heart.  The Filipinos deeply felt the sincerity of his concern for them, in the same way that every Filipino also genuinely welcomed the pope and his blessings.  The pope’s mere presence comforted us and made us feel that we are never alone.  What is even more touching is the thought that we are all one in prayer.  We need him to pray for us, in the same way that he needs us to pray for him.

In all those days that he was here, the pope was able to unite the people and somehow led them home to their faith, and at the same time reminded each one of us about God’s love and mercy.  The pope along with the entire nation was just such a very overwhelming sight.  It was just all so beautiful, and an experience that was simply very poignant.