cluelesstraveller


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For Nanay and Tatay

Tears fall silently

while in reverie

of those I hold so dear,

and of things

that can never be.

Realities of time,

and the limits

it possess

brings some sorrow.

I surrender to the truth

while still immersing

in joyful memories

of the sweet escape

that we managed to take.

Here’s a wish

that though

you can’t come to me,

I would be given

another chance

to cross the seas

to come home to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Missing Home

My yearning

hides behind my still

out of sync body clock.

Distracting me

from feeling

the realities–

of missing home,

of missing family,

of missing what is familiar.

I find comfort

in the imbalance,

and the imperfection.

I embrace this distraction

as it holds the tears

that are really welling inside.

I take refuge

in the busy-ness

of everyday

as it keeps me

from recollecting memories

of the recent past.

I am taking my time

from waking…

I am holding the hours

for remembering…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Longing

Two Wednesdays past

the air was filled

with pleasant noises.

Children playing,

laughing,

unbound by time,

undisturbed by life’s reality.

Time passes quickly,

even the writings left behind

are slowly fading.

Traces of shadows too

will soon be gone,

and all would be left

are simply good memories–

of a time

that was more precious than any gift.

Of a moment

that truly was an opportunity,

and of days

that chance was given.

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Thoughts of a Full Time Mom

I’m a full time mom, and there are times when it can just get really crazy.  I have two sons with ages 6 and 2, and sometimes my two hands aren’t just enough to handle their demands.  But it’s not always like that though, there are more sweet and really fun moments with them especially when they are both in a good mood.  I am actually happy being just a mom to them at this time because I get to be really hands on with them and I am not missing any milestone in their growing up years, but why then do I find myself being defensive or needing to be one at certain occasions?  Maybe it is because of the fact that there are still people who doesn’t recognize the challenges of being a stay at home mom, and at the same time doesn’t really know the value of one.

Being with your kids 24/7 and doing literally everything on your own with no pay, no break, and no day off can take its toll, but still we go on, and keep doing what we do without really complaining because of our love for our kids, and that is simply it.  We may be always at home, but we don’t really hold our time because we work around the schedules of our husbands and kids, and perhaps the time left for ourselves is very few like this time that I am making this blog.  I only have probably less than two hours before my 2 year old son wakes up from his nap.

And by the way, it is not just the kids we take care of but all the other stuff that involves the home and the family which includes making the budget, paying the bills, planning your kids’ birthday parties and family vacations, and the list can just go on.  I can’t really complain though because I love what I do, but sometimes a little appreciation won’t hurt, or maybe even just some consideration would suffice.

Why then am I writing this piece?  Maybe it is because sometimes I feel that some people just have certain expectations and I just think that it’s not fair.  We all have our own roles to play in this lifetime so I guess, respecting one another’s game is just what should happen.  This is my role for now and I simply want to keep enjoying it while I can.  After all, they grow up so fast.

Most of us may make it look easy, but really, it is not.  Work never seems to be really done, so then in the process we also learn to choose which battles to fight.  But no matter how tough each moment can be, at the end of the day, I only have to look at my kids to remind myself that things will always be okay, and that every experience with them are all worth the while.


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Finding Hope

Everything is temporal and it could mean positively or negatively.  I have had bouts of dark clouds over me for the past few months, and there were just some lowest moments when it seemed like that period would never see its end.  Apart from not knowing when it will be over, my biggest question was that why things were happening that way?  Because before that dark time, everything was sunshine and if only there was such a thing as perfect, I could almost say it was.

Maybe that was life’s way of waking me to reality, or perhaps its way of reminding me or nudging me that I am starting again to live my life in a bubble, and perhaps to push me out of my comfort zone which I was beginning to build.  I really still cannot exactly figure out the why, but I know that everything happens for a reason, and for this I just need to keep having faith or at least hold on to it until that day when I will fully realize what this whole ordeal truly means.

Sometimes there are circumstances in life that you can’t easily recognize the meaning of.  It leaves you with so many questions that you cannot seem to find answers to, and the questions just pile up and would just leave you feeling confused, and at times lost and simply wondering.

Then when everything is in chaos and seem spiraling down, one day you just wake up to a brand new day, and the hazy atmosphere just seem to have been lifted up and everything looks clear and seem to have a promise of better days ahead.  And you just find yourself shaking your head in disbelief, perhaps even asking, what the heck happened there?

Though answers remain bleak, and confusion still looms, I am comforted by the thought that there is always a rainbow waiting, paving the way for a hope of a new tomorrow.  Then I am comforted by the fact that nothing lasts forever, if it can always mean that bad things also doesn’t stay.