cluelesstraveller


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Of Lost Thoughts and Quiet Observations

Words have been silent for a while, and thoughts have escaped along the way.  Now here I am, trying to catch up…

The rush of everyday things and a laptop that needed to be repaired has kept me from writing for so many months.  Now that I have the chance again to write, can I still find those thoughts that I meant to share months before?

It’s been 9 months since I have moved to Canada with my family.  We arrived in fall, and now it is summer.  We have made it through the four seasons so far, especially the very biting cold of winter.  Coming from a tropical country which is the Philippines, having four different seasons is all very new to us because back there, we only had the rainy season and the summer, but we embraced each season as they came, just like how we welcomed this brand new experience in our lives.

Moving to North America is a big move, and it certainly was a challenge both physically and emotionally.  There are four of us in the family (me, my husband, my then 5 year old son and our youngest who was 11 months at that time).  We agreed to only bring four boxes.  For me, it meant condensing 36 years of my life in one big box, and it was certainly not easy because it also meant giving up many stuff that had been part of my life.  But then I knew I needed to let them go as part of the process, and also as part of moving forward. It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t also very difficult because I knew I also had to help my 5 year old son to do the same with his stuff.  I knew it was more difficult for him to part with his belongings because aside from it being his first experience with parting, it was definitely not easy to understand why he had to let his things go, and why we needed to dispose most of our stuff. And I can imagine the pureness of his sadness as he chose the few things that he can only take, and the questions that might be running through his mind while he saw our things being sold or given away.

But letting go of the material things was only half of what I needed to deal with, the next thing was the most difficult part, and this was facing the reality of being separated from other family members and some very good friends.  Though it was difficult for me, I needed to be strong or at least look like it because I knew my son was feeling the same way as he had built good relationships with the people around us.  He had so many good memories with them, and saying goodbye to all his loved ones most especially his dear cousins was something that was even more difficult to comprehend.  His longing for them was heartbreaking for me.

As for me, even though I was so excited to spread my wings and seek new adventures in a different land, I never thought that I would also get a bite of homesickness. This was something that I never anticipated to linger even after weeks and months of being in my new home.  Perhaps it was for the reason that I have never really been so far away from home that made leaving less easy.  And I realized that maybe there is really nothing that could have prepared me or anyone from feeling that way.  Parting, after all is always difficult.

Time has quickly passed, and so many wonderful things have happened.  I am thankful that our new home has welcomed us warmly, and also grateful to technology because at least we still get to communicate with our family from back home, giving my 1 year old son the chance to know them as well.  The tremendous support from our families and friends from the different parts of the world has definitely helped us with our transition.

Now in this new chapter of my life, I am certainly looking forward to new adventures and experiences with my family.  And while there is still longing at times, I know those are just fond memories that I would never let go of, and which would always remind me that I will forever have a home no matter where I go, and a place that I can always go back to.

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